Writing on- Maestro, Satyajit Ray.

On this special day, Satyajit Ray’s birthday anniversary, I can’t help but reflect on the deep impact his films have on my life. It all began unexpectedly, during a visit to a relative’s house in 12th grade. A movie played on the screen, and I was instantly captivated. It was Pather Panchali, a story that left me mesmerized and heartbroken. Little did I know at the time, that film was the work of a cinematic giant, Satyajit Ray.

Years later, as I delved deeper into the worlds of photography and art, my path crossed with Ray again. This time, it was a conscious exploration. I devoured his books, immersing myself in his vision, and sought out every film I could find. To my despair, I discovered that Ray’s genius, while celebrated within film circles and Bengali culture, remained largely unknown to the broader world. This realization brought a pang of sadness.

To me, Ray is not just a filmmaker, but also a master storyteller. His films are a beautiful blend of stunning visuals, finely crafted portrayals of women, and an unparalleled understanding of love’s complexities and the bittersweet sting of infidelity. Even today, I have not come across any other director who can capture the human experience with such profound honesty and beauty. Ray’s influence goes beyond language and culture. He is proof of the power of cinema to touch hearts and shape lives, as I discovered on a random afternoon, a lifetime ago.

Satyajit Ray is not just a filmmaker to me; he’s the one who ignited my passion for creating movies. Whenever I click the shutter on my camera, his compositions and storytelling dance in my head. Learning about his resourcefulness and dedication while making his films fuels my own drive. 

Satyajit Ray’s films offer a refreshing departure from the typical cinematic indulgence. He avoids melodrama and exaggeration, and there are no clear-cut heroes or villains. Instead, his stories focus on ordinary people grappling with the complexities of everyday life. Society, politics, ideology, and other factors all contribute to the challenges that his characters face, making life itself the central antagonist. Ray’s brilliance lies in his ability to capture the essence of ordinary lives without resorting to flashy effects or elaborate dance sequences. The beauty of simplicity resonates deeply in his work.

He’s the reason why I chose to pursue this challenging path of filmmaking. I know that I’ll never reach his level, not in this lifetime or any other. However, that doesn’t stop me from striving to capture even a tiny sliver of the magic he bottled up in his movies. Every frame I shoot is a humble attempt to honor his legacy, even if it’s just a fraction of a percent of what he achieved.

megh.

Writing on- Adieu Anamamma.

This year has been a rollercoaster. It started with the heartbreaking loss of my dog, and now few days back, I lost my friend Anam. She wasn’t just any friend – Anam was India’s first female stuntwoman! We rode together through the treacherous curves of Leh and Ladakh, conquering the Khardung-La pass with her guidance. The Himalayas Highs just won’t feel the same without her.

We hoard memories like precious souvenirs – some from loved ones who are still with us, others from those who’ve passed on. But where do they all go? Does our brain have a dusty attic where these memories pile up? It’s puzzling how these experiences can stay tucked away for years, sometimes even controlling how we categorize new ones. I feel our memories have boundaries, shaping who we are.

Maybe boundaries are important, even for memories. The bad stuff sticks, and new stuff piles on, but somehow I’m still here, carrying the good and the bad, on both sides of the river, just like before.

All this loss is a puzzle I’m trying to piece together. It’s hard to wrap my head around it all. Life flows like a river, with people constantly entering and leaving the stream. Some leave behind stones of good memories, while others leave sharp rocks of pain. But the river keeps flowing, and we have to keep paddling – that’s the nature of it all.

Anam, wherever you are, I hope you’ve found the peace you deserve. This world just wasn’t ready for someone as amazing as you.

Megh/jellyfish/babyyaga.

*FEELINGS ARE PERSONAL*

Writing on- love. stays.

My thoughts drift like clouds, but a smile unexpectedly brightens my face. Creativity sparks in the mundane, like silence in chaos. I’m sitting on a cool metal chair in my small house, enjoying a steaming cup of coffee and some toast. I have a book about gender inequality in my lap and I’m tapping my feet playfully to the beat of some western punk rock playing in the background.

As I turn the pages, I steal glances at my partner and feel amazement. How did we end up here, in this haven of serenity?

I am a surreal collage of sensations: the warmth of summer, the hot coffee, the pulsing music, and the complex dance of thoughts. Love, a constant echo, haunts and relieves me in this quantum state of existence, ever-present yet unclear.

A dark thought pops into my head, as it often does. What if everything we have just disappears and it all ends tomorrow? Maybe it’s just my anxiety again, trying to make things seem worse than they are. Perhaps this moment, right here, right now, is more real than I give it credit for. Fear might always be lurking around the corner, but these quiet moments, sitting here with someone you love, are the things that truly matter. Maybe that’s what life is about – just being present and together.

It’s a lingering question – where does a thought truly begin, and where does it end?

Megh/babyyaga/jellyfish.

Writing on- Playing roles, and Oscars.

The Oscars never really interested me much. The only time I felt a bit excited was when Lagaan got nominated. Later, as I grew up and saw Satyajit Ray receive a lifetime achievement award, I gained some respect for the ceremony. However, that respect slowly faded over time as I witnessed their award choices. Many of their selections simply didn’t connect with me, and the whole thing felt very one-sided, lacking the global perspective it should strive for. But, at the end of the day, it’s just an awards show, right?

For the past few months, it feels like my creative energy has dried up, leaving me with emptiness, like a parched land full of cracks. Ahead of me loom two doors: one labeled “creation” and the other “conclusion”. Each day feels like a task, where I struggle to gather my scattered thoughts and piece them together, only to watch them crumble again.

I’m constantly feeling drained and exhausted, and this feeling has become a close companion during this creative struggle.

No one prepares you for such a drought, no matter how much you think you’re ready for it. It’s like every time I gather up the courage to keep going, another obstacle spring up. How much can one take?

I feel like I have reached a breaking point. Outside my window, I watch a tree shedding its leaves, falling slowly and inevitably. It feels like my dreams are following the same path, each lost aspiration a falling leaf, leaving me feeling empty.

A series of setbacks and disappointments have taken my confidence away. The past year has been filled with losses, and despite my best efforts, it feels like I haven’t gotten anything back in return. This constant sense of giving without receiving just messes you up.

I feel like an impostor, only pretending to fill roles.

Perhaps, I thought, this constant “pretending” is simply my role to play. After all, as Shakespeare wrote, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” There’s a strange comfort in that notion. However, I can’t help but wish I’d been assigned a less demanding part. This one feels quite overwhelming.

In the start of my filmmaking journey, I was driven by the desire to win an Oscar. It was something that motivated me to keep going during the difficult and challenging early years. Now that I look back, I can’t help but laugh at how naive I was back then.

That’s the thing about life, isn’t it? With time, even our biggest tragedies can start to feel comedic.

babyyaga/jellyfish/megh.

Writing on- There is a light that never goes out.

This life feels like a dance between truth and lies, a perplexing riddle that leaves me questioning the very nature of existence. Everything seems transient, fleeting moments in a grand play I never signed up for. Yet, somehow, there’s an invisible hand letting it all unfold, even the struggles that tear me apart.

My battles with my parents are a prime example. Misunderstood pleas for independence escalated into bitter arguments, trapping me in a cycle of frustration and misery. I yearn to express my truth, to shed the mask of forced obedience, but the fear of disappointing those I love holds me back. Caught in this dichotomy, I wear masks for them, a constant performance with an insecure script. It’s exhausting, yet I persevere, clinging to the hope that my efforts hold some meaning.

The whispers around me, filled with irrelevant pronouncements, fuel my confusion. Am I the odd one out, constantly overthinking every detail? The answer, I realize, is irrelevant.

Perfection? It’s a mirage shimmering in the distance. Neither my choices nor my actions exist in a vacuum of absolutes. What feels right to me clashes with the desires of those who love me. I’m pulled one way, then another, the constant tug-of-war threatening to tear me apart.

I haven’t always made the right choices, that much is true. Yet, even my missteps have led me here, to this moment of self-reflection. And while they may not have pleased everyone, they brought me joy, a truth I refuse to deny. The constant misjudgment stings, eroding my confidence, and sometimes breaking me. Instead, it fuels my resolve to seek understanding, not only from others but from myself.

This is my journey, and it’s paved with honesty, self-discovery, and the courage to navigate the gray areas where truth and lies blur. It’s a journey without a roadmap, but with every step, the path becomes obvious, leading me not to perfection, but to a deeper understanding of the person I am and the unique truth I carry within.

I hope you find yours. 🙂

The light must not go out, and the show must go on.

May you all be well.

*FEELINGS ARE PERSONAL*

megh/jellyfish/babyyaga

Writing on- love fleets.

To love is to spin around in a waltz where every step echoes an ending, to dance with mortality. Loving someone teaches you to appreciate life’s frailty and how quickly things can end. Even the best kind of love—love—comes with a price. Selecting love entails repeatedly selecting loss—until one of you or love itself vanishes.

The fear of loss is love’s inseparable twin. It reminds us of the impermanence of life by lurking in the quiet times and whispering in the pauses between laughs. The potential fall and the devastating echo of goodbyes increase with our depth of fall.

Loving someone means taking a risk and jumping into the unknown while grinning. It challenges you to go outside of your comfort zone and take on the unimaginable to save another person. However, this audacity doesn’t come at the expense of incredible adaptation.

Love is ever-evolving, just like a river. Every turn offers a new perspective.

However, if we brush this fear aside as a burden, love loses some of its inherent power. Every touch, every smile, is charged with electricity because of the awareness of loss itself. It serves as a reminder that love is a dynamic dance and an ongoing act of creation rather than a passive possession.

Therefore, the anguish of loving someone is not a sign of weakness but rather of the bravery of the human spirit. It is the embracing of impermanence and the acceptance of vulnerability. Because when we love, we resist death and take comfort in the fact that love, like a shooting star, leaves a trail of light long after it has vanished from view when we have to say goodbye.

*feelings are personal*

Happy Valentine’s week y’all.

megh.

Writing on- Voice.

As an artist, I often question what I can offer to the world. With so many stories and ideas already out there, it’s difficult to know if what I create will be received well. I have to consider all the factors before making any decisions.

Adding to the challenge is navigating a cultural and political climate where differing views are often silenced. Even when I create something, I risk being trolled and shunned by my audience. My creativity is constantly under scrutiny, and I feel pressure to create something relevant and important to the masses, rather than to reality.

Unfortunately, the pressure to be relevant has made content a secondary consideration. It seems that if something is controversial or demeaning, it’s often the most popular. As an artist, I believe it’s not just about finding your voice; it’s about being true to yourself and remaining honest and authentic in your work.

To achieve this, I think it’s important to have a diverse range of life experiences. Meeting people, helping them, being hurt by others, learning from them, and seeing events can all contribute to the development of a universal voice that can be understood by all. A voice that is calming for grandmothers and exhilarating for children, that can be loud enough to cheer in a stadium, yet gentle enough to whisper in church. With experience, this voice becomes all-encompassing and speaks to everyone.

I hope I find mine, and you yours.

Cheers, be well.

megh.

Writing on- Power of void.

As I explore the depths of my being and reflect on my childhood, I feel surrounded by a dark sky with clouds looming above me. These clouds cast a shadow over every thought and emotion, making it difficult for me to find any glimmer of hope. I struggle to find a ray of sunshine that explains or sheds light on the void I feel inside.

After reading Nietzsche, I have come to accept that the feeling of emptiness is a permanent part of human existence. While some people are better at ignoring it than others, it is a universal experience. It’s that sudden sadness that appears out of nowhere, even when everything seems to be going well in your life. Or the feeling of insatiability that is never satisfied – no matter how much you eat or work, it only grows stronger.

The emptiness eats away at your time and attention like a rabid beast. Even when you yell, “Enough!” the echo gets lost in the silence. After reel after reel, sneaky hypnosis robs you of your day, leaving you lost.

The cycle revolves from void to anxious, anxious to escape and escape to hollow. Every time we turn, another kind of emptiness bites, whispering threats of the emptiness we fled from in the first place.

The void is in charge; control is a myth.

megh/babyyaga/jellyfish.

Writing on- Multiverse of Acceptance.

Surely there are countless universes? I mean that is what we are told and shown in the new movies.

This implies that there is one where dogs walk humans ( shown on Family Guy) who attempt to eat squirrels while sporting clothing and caps. Where cats are the ultimate villains.

Maybe one exists in which lizard people propel cities and one in which magic exists and fairies kidnap people. One in which everything opposite happens in the Marvel universe and Thanos is actually a good guy (I kinda believe that in this universe too).

I really wish this theory to be true, not only in movies and papers but in actuality.

At least that’s what I’d like to believe.

I hope there’s one where I’m not hollow on the inside. The one where we eat pancakes is In the location we love-

Where we feel comfortable and our presence is acknowledged, where we have positive relationships with our family, and where we are no longer forced to hide who we are. No legal restrictions on my ability to marry the person I love.

Where dogs roam freely and I do too. I am Happy! I am sure out of all of them there is one I can be a part of?

Where I don’t feel like ending it all, all the time.

*FEELINGS ARE PERSONAL*

megh/babbyaga/jellyfish.

Writing on- true self or devil slef? or No SELF?

I believe that each of us has a hidden inner devil that, if and when it comes out, may wreak havoc on our lives. Some of us are fortunate enough to have strong control over these demons, but many of us are not so fortunate and regrettably suffer greatly.

The devil is aware of this, and he always seeks to break free and find a way. If you can stave it off for long enough, he will emerge even more powerful. Sometimes it hides for so long that I think it’s gone, but it’s actually just hiding in the shadows, quietly waiting for an opportunity to strike. When it does, it seizes the chance to emerge victorious and dangerous.

I’ve always wondered what that devil is and why some people are better at controlling it or have better demons overall. The devil, in my opinion, is composed of our suppressed sentiments and emotions and functions as a sort of mirror for our true selves and things we haven’t spoken about. Over time, it merely becomes more and more bitter, and eventually it gains complete power over you, leaving you with damage control.

You hurt the devil when you try to fit in, hide who you really are, and pretend to be something you’re not. In my opinion, humans are naturally neutral; we pick up on cues from our environment, mimic our parents, and see what gets rewarded and what gets punished. We shape ourselves to fit the immediate environment due to our innate need to survive.

The devil is what reveals your true nature to you. It is an attention-seeker that needs to be noticed; if it isn’t, it becomes wounded, begins to plot internally, and waits for a chance to for you to slip.

Only when one embraces their true self—even if it means facing rejection or hatred from a world that clings to conformity—can true meaning and fulfillment be found.

The key, in my opinion, is realizing that there is no such thing as an absolute self. When there is no self, the demon will have nothing to attach itself to and may even vanish. However, getting to that point is extremely challenging, and as you embark on that journey, you will encounter resistance because no one wants to disappear, which will make it attack you more. The road to enlightenment is paved with more demon appearances, so if they are occurring more frequently, I believe you are on the right path!

*VIEWS ARE PERSONAL*

babyyaga/megh/jellyfish.

Writing on- To fight. To built.

My life is going through an enormous change. My hands are spinning, the wheel is rotating, space is churning, and things are coming together. As my space turns into my canvas and my spirit’s reflection, things are beginning to come together, steadily and gently.

Things are still to come together, but at least there is a beginning of something, some grow by staying still and some by moving, I believe both to be true. It’s just a matter of perception.

My talents are my presence in the world and my ability to share. Give things permission to occupy your space both inside and outside of you as they approach you.

Many unforeseen obstacles that weren’t necessary arose in this, but it doesn’t mean you give up. Speed bumps are not barriers; although they may slow you down, their purpose is not to stop you. I always worry if things could have been worse when they go wrong. There’s always a chance for worse, but sometimes bad is worse. Few people truly helped during this difficult period; many instead turned their backs or were unclear with us. We are partly to blame for accepting people as they are rather than seeing them for who they truly are.

Taking in a string of bad things that don’t appear as bad or awful right now.

You simply grow and mature again, and things work out for you. I am also learning to be content with what I have, and yes, I am grateful that I was able to overcome all of the obstacles—mentally, emotionally, and financially.

This is only the start; more work needs to be done.

In life, we tend to make changes when we are rather certain of something. But our hesitation is frequently fueled by the hurt of our past mistakes and the anxieties of our peers.

We become stuck and move forward because they are unable to foretell the future. We wish to avoid experiencing the feelings of defeat. Instead of going after the life we truly desire, they would rather convince themselves to accept an “okay” life.

But one’s perspective affects one’s ability to fail! When you don’t take a chance on the one thing you really need, is that not failure? Remorse, staying safe, or settling for anything less than what you can achieve via action do not lead to happiness.

May you all grow and be well.

jellyfish/babyyaga/megh

*WORDS ARE PERSONAL*

Writing on- The Burning.

Sometimes in life, it seems like the earth has turned to ice and the sun has turned black as tar. It feels as though the only reason Hades and his evil demons have risen from Tartarus is to get together and individually torment you, and their sincere desire to cause you mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering is tearing you to pieces.

If it weren’t for the quicksand that is drawing you down, inch by inch, paralyzing your will, your heart would weigh as much as lifeless legs, which you would drag yourself onward with. I thought life would get better every day, but it doesn’t. Why does every day feel worse than the last?

It feels like the world is burning and there is no escape, and to be honest with this October heat, it truly is.

Make your coffee
Brush your teeth
Get dressed
The world is on fire

Get in your car
Drive to work
Sit at your desk
The world is on fire

Pay your taxes
Clean the house
Buy groceries
The world is on fire



Check your phone
Read the news
Wipe your tears
The world is on fire


Wave your arms
Scream for help
No one listens
The world is on fire

Try to breathe
Want to leave
No one sees
The world is on fire

Hang your head
Time for bed
Start again
The world is on fire

Make your coffee
Brush your teeth
Get dressed
The world is on fire

Repeat. 

megh.

*VIEWS ARE PERSONAL*